For real. The young, innocent brown-eyed boy i used to know
is gone, gone forever. Before you continue reading this
please take the time to go into my blog, "The
Musings of Mary Jane" and read the post called
"To the Moon and Back".
I'm serious....stop reading this and go find it, I'll wait.
OK..... THAT little boy is GONE!
The mean, mean thing called puberty came and
entered his mind, took over and is now dwelling
in his wee head. (Yes, I meant to say WEEEEEE
head!) He's plumb nuts!
It seems like I have waited his whole life for
the big event called PUBERTY! It's a lot like
waiting for your daughter to have her first
period; it's a step towards adulthood, minor
as it is. I told my daughter her whole life
that the day she started her period I would
take the day off (whether I was still in school
or had a job) and we would have a "girl-day"
doing fun stuff to celebrate. And we had a
really fun, really memorable day. I am glad
that I got to share that with her.
But how do you celebrate puberty?
I am the oldest of three girls...
so I don't know HOW to go about
bringing in THAT part of his life!
Do I send balloons? Do I ignore it?
As a mother am I even supposed
to participate? I don't know!
What I do know is that I love him more
than life itself and even though I miss the
little boy, I am proud to be the mother
of a young man. We tease him
endlessly about his cracking voice
but he loves the attention and his
brown eyes are as clear and happy
as they've always been. He is now
taller than me and in some ways I
miss my "baby" but it's fun to fit
into his growng arms and know that
no matter how tall he gets, or how
short I get when I am old....we
will still have a bond that runs deep...
and that no matter what,
I will be able to tell him that I love
him to the moon and back!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A TRUE MAN OF DOG----BLESS HIM FATHER FOR HE HAS SINNED
Yes, I meant to say a true man of DOG,
not man of GOD.
I have this friend, you see, that I would
actually consider a GOOD friend. He's my
age and we don't really have ONE thing in
common except lots of skeletons in the
closet. Different sorts of bones but skeletons
none the less.
Anyhoo.... he is a pastor. At some point
he lost his credentials because he divorced
but he worked hard at earning them back
and is now a fully accredited minister again.
But he really is a DOG!
I guess I was under the impression that
men of GOD would try their best to hide
their carnal lusts but him, not so much.
And I wouldn't even consider his obvious
public lip-licking even blog-worthy except
for the incident that follows.
Today he and I had a meeting (over coffee)
about a big community outreach that we
are putting on this Saturday at the church.
He and I are sort of the co-heads for the
event. We met to wrap up some loose ends.
Anyhoo....not ten minutes after we sat
down across from each other he leaned
away from the table making motions at
somebody like he was going to say hello
or something and I asked him if he saw
someone he knew. He responded with
something like, "No...there's a hot chick
over there in white pants and a dark
shirt! I'm just trying to get a better look
at her face...."
I was a little taken back by his honesty
and DETAILED description. And not TWO
minutes before all this he was telling me
about the great sermon he'd given just a
few nights ago! Isn't this the epitome of
an oxymoron????
And this went on for the ENTIRE hour
that we met. Oh we talked business and
hammered out our loose ends but his
mind was NOT with the church, let me
tell ya. It was rolling around in bed with
the hot chick in white pants.
I still don't know what to make of the
situation. It was all very weird and
unappropriate if you ask me. And then
the REAL question is, is whether he is a
TRUE man of GOD or a TRUE (and typical)
DOG of a man! Today, I would say he
barked his way to the dog house.
not man of GOD.
I have this friend, you see, that I would
actually consider a GOOD friend. He's my
age and we don't really have ONE thing in
common except lots of skeletons in the
closet. Different sorts of bones but skeletons
none the less.
Anyhoo.... he is a pastor. At some point
he lost his credentials because he divorced
but he worked hard at earning them back
and is now a fully accredited minister again.
But he really is a DOG!
I guess I was under the impression that
men of GOD would try their best to hide
their carnal lusts but him, not so much.
And I wouldn't even consider his obvious
public lip-licking even blog-worthy except
for the incident that follows.
Today he and I had a meeting (over coffee)
about a big community outreach that we
are putting on this Saturday at the church.
He and I are sort of the co-heads for the
event. We met to wrap up some loose ends.
Anyhoo....not ten minutes after we sat
down across from each other he leaned
away from the table making motions at
somebody like he was going to say hello
or something and I asked him if he saw
someone he knew. He responded with
something like, "No...there's a hot chick
over there in white pants and a dark
shirt! I'm just trying to get a better look
at her face...."
I was a little taken back by his honesty
and DETAILED description. And not TWO
minutes before all this he was telling me
about the great sermon he'd given just a
few nights ago! Isn't this the epitome of
an oxymoron????
And this went on for the ENTIRE hour
that we met. Oh we talked business and
hammered out our loose ends but his
mind was NOT with the church, let me
tell ya. It was rolling around in bed with
the hot chick in white pants.
I still don't know what to make of the
situation. It was all very weird and
unappropriate if you ask me. And then
the REAL question is, is whether he is a
TRUE man of GOD or a TRUE (and typical)
DOG of a man! Today, I would say he
barked his way to the dog house.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
OVEREASY
So this last weekend I was at my inlaws' house and we
happened to be finishing breakfast one morning.
Almost everyone had left the table except my
mother-in-law, my brother-in-law and I. We
were drinking coffee, finishing our food and enjoying
idle chitchat when the topic came up about waking
up hungry for breakfast each morning. I, very
calmly and nonchalantly said, "I almost NEVER eat
breakfast. I usually just drink coffee and then eat
lunch."
Then my brother-in-law says to me across the table,
"See, THAT is your problem. It's not healthy to not eat
breakfast." And he goes on to explain to me (because
I had NEVER heard it before) that eating breakfast
jump starts your metabolism yada, yada, yada,
yada.............
But he sort of lost me at, "SEE, THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM..."
I was thinking to myself WHAT PROBLEM?
Obviously he was talking about the extra thirty pounds
that I pack around but WHAT THE HELL? I was
wondering exactly whose problem he thought he was
fixing? And who actually asked him to SOLVE my
problem(s)? Did he think that if I started eating
breakfast every day that I would magically appear
looking "right"?
I was so ticked off. For one thing he tends to come
across as a pompous know-it-all and he's said things
many times that have been so rude or crude and he
doesn't know it. And through the years its been
obvious that he "looks down" on people who are
overweight by some of the condescending
comments he's made. But I was seriously taken
back by his comment to me over the breakfast table.
I said to him, "Yeah, I know all about that and I still
don't eat breakfast unless it's a special occasion."
I wish I'd had the balls to ask him what "problem"
he was actually talking about and playing dumb.
It would have been interesting to see his reaction.
But I am not quick to think about witty comebacks.
What I AM GOOD at, though, is feeling like shit all the
time about the way I look and how it affects
my daily activities. I spent the rest of the weekend
feeling depressed and struggled with my on-going
battle about whether or not to crawl into that dark,
desolate space in my head and hide there for a while.
I wonder if they serve breakfast there?
happened to be finishing breakfast one morning.
Almost everyone had left the table except my
mother-in-law, my brother-in-law and I. We
were drinking coffee, finishing our food and enjoying
idle chitchat when the topic came up about waking
up hungry for breakfast each morning. I, very
calmly and nonchalantly said, "I almost NEVER eat
breakfast. I usually just drink coffee and then eat
lunch."
Then my brother-in-law says to me across the table,
"See, THAT is your problem. It's not healthy to not eat
breakfast." And he goes on to explain to me (because
I had NEVER heard it before) that eating breakfast
jump starts your metabolism yada, yada, yada,
yada.............
But he sort of lost me at, "SEE, THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM..."
I was thinking to myself WHAT PROBLEM?
Obviously he was talking about the extra thirty pounds
that I pack around but WHAT THE HELL? I was
wondering exactly whose problem he thought he was
fixing? And who actually asked him to SOLVE my
problem(s)? Did he think that if I started eating
breakfast every day that I would magically appear
looking "right"?
I was so ticked off. For one thing he tends to come
across as a pompous know-it-all and he's said things
many times that have been so rude or crude and he
doesn't know it. And through the years its been
obvious that he "looks down" on people who are
overweight by some of the condescending
comments he's made. But I was seriously taken
back by his comment to me over the breakfast table.
I said to him, "Yeah, I know all about that and I still
don't eat breakfast unless it's a special occasion."
I wish I'd had the balls to ask him what "problem"
he was actually talking about and playing dumb.
It would have been interesting to see his reaction.
But I am not quick to think about witty comebacks.
What I AM GOOD at, though, is feeling like shit all the
time about the way I look and how it affects
my daily activities. I spent the rest of the weekend
feeling depressed and struggled with my on-going
battle about whether or not to crawl into that dark,
desolate space in my head and hide there for a while.
I wonder if they serve breakfast there?
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
SUPERHEROES
So I think I should have waited for a few more days before
I ran down the list of everything that's gone on in the last
couple weeks in my previous post.
My husband had a physical a week ago and his blood
work came back; he has high cholesterol. So instead
of researching the best food to feed the puppies I have
been researching the best things to feed my hubby.
Between the pups and Him, it sounds like I am going
to be spending lots of time in the kitchen. Which really
sucks because I hate to cook.
On the same day we found out that one of my
grandfathers has testicular cancer. Totally bites. I
always feel like I am still 21 but unfortunately I am
not. I keep getting older. My kids keep getting older.
My parents keep getting older.
My grandparents keep getting older.
I have only experienced two semi-major deaths
in my family which means that the rest of us are
all alive and well. Both sets of my grandparents
are in their late 70s to early 80s, so I have been
blessed. In fact my daughter was a fifth
generation child on one side so we were able to
pose for pictures with the young and old before
it was too late.
I know that cancer is not necessarily a death
sentence but it is SCARY no matter how you
look at it. I saw my grandpa last night and even
though he comes across as stoic and calm, you
can see that he's freaked out. It's very sad.
Anyway, I know that I definitely take life for
granted most of the time and I try NOT to.
I've always thought my husband was
invincible and that my grandpa was going
to live forever but in my mind I know thats
not true. My heart is telling me differently.
I ran down the list of everything that's gone on in the last
couple weeks in my previous post.
My husband had a physical a week ago and his blood
work came back; he has high cholesterol. So instead
of researching the best food to feed the puppies I have
been researching the best things to feed my hubby.
Between the pups and Him, it sounds like I am going
to be spending lots of time in the kitchen. Which really
sucks because I hate to cook.
On the same day we found out that one of my
grandfathers has testicular cancer. Totally bites. I
always feel like I am still 21 but unfortunately I am
not. I keep getting older. My kids keep getting older.
My parents keep getting older.
My grandparents keep getting older.
I have only experienced two semi-major deaths
in my family which means that the rest of us are
all alive and well. Both sets of my grandparents
are in their late 70s to early 80s, so I have been
blessed. In fact my daughter was a fifth
generation child on one side so we were able to
pose for pictures with the young and old before
it was too late.
I know that cancer is not necessarily a death
sentence but it is SCARY no matter how you
look at it. I saw my grandpa last night and even
though he comes across as stoic and calm, you
can see that he's freaked out. It's very sad.
Anyway, I know that I definitely take life for
granted most of the time and I try NOT to.
I've always thought my husband was
invincible and that my grandpa was going
to live forever but in my mind I know thats
not true. My heart is telling me differently.
Monday, June 30, 2008
JUST ANOTHER DAY
So it's crazy how fast the days go by. I forgot to look
at the date of my last blog entry, I am sure it's been
at least a couple weeks now.
Life just keeps going on. First a day goes by and
then another day. It doesn't seem like a big deal
but when I sat down to blog just now, all these
different things came to my mind about what goes
on in a matter of two weeks.
Recently, my 17 year old daughter has finally
discovered the "ALL POWERFUL SECRET"...
(a secret even better than Oprah's...shhhhhh....)
that she knows EVERYTHING about ANYTHING
the rest of us can screw ourselves! It took awhile.
For a couple years we thought we might have
made it through unharmed but no such luck. And
it's good that I HAVE ALSO discovered that she has
discovered this secret because at least now we are all
on the same page! Her momentary lack of judgements
actually make sense now! And my moments of seeing
white spots while I am yelling threats are explainable....
maybe I really do NOT need to see a therapist after all!
In the mean time, our son (our youngest)
has hit puberty. His voice and the things
that happen to it would make Criss Angel's
freaky mind proud! It's genuinely unexplainable!
It's hilarious! And it's almost sick how
much we enjoy teasing him about it!
We call him Sarah! Of course he knows
that we do it all in fun and he is sweet
enough to laugh along with us! All the
clothes that used to be too tight for him
are falling off him which really is to his
benefit, as he fits right in to
the COOL crowd with his pants hanging
down around his ankles!
My husband's aunt died of a long hard
battle with cancer. It's wierd that even
though you THINK you are prepared
for a family member's death it still catches
you off guard. We will miss her and of
course my heart is very sad for my husband.
The funeral is next week.
We got a new puppy. Oh wait....
we got TWO NEW PUPPIES!
Now I've found the real reason that
I haven't blogged for awhile. Black lab
brothers, Jake and Charlie. Very cute.
Very cuddly. Very AWAKE in the middle
of the night. And since it was MY idea I
have no room for complaint. I have spent
HOURS on-line researching all the GOOD
things to do for our new puppies including
what food to feed them. I came to the
conclusion that my husband may have to
get a weekend job so we can afford the
"perfect" food for them which includes
(but is certainly not limited to)
vitamins, minerals, fruits, vegetables, no
by-products, limited grains, low fats,
high protein, etc. I am to throw in freshly
ground food too and an occasional fried egg......
think I am obsessed?
It's the lack of sleep.
When I am sitting in my lawn chair
at one in the morning while they are
peeing all over the yard, freshly ground
fruits and vegetables are NOT what
I am thinking about, let me tell ya. And
when I am sitting in my lawn chair at THREE
in the morning while they are pooping all over
the yard, I am wondering what I can put
in their wee bellies that would end it ALL by morning!
Just kidding!
To be honest with you what I am REALLY
thinking is that the next time my daughter throws one
of her gargantuan hormonal tizzy fits.....there will be
LOTS and LOTS of poop to clean up!
Yes....lots can go on in a couple weeks.....
but at least that means that we are alive and well.
And tomorrow will be just another day!
at the date of my last blog entry, I am sure it's been
at least a couple weeks now.
Life just keeps going on. First a day goes by and
then another day. It doesn't seem like a big deal
but when I sat down to blog just now, all these
different things came to my mind about what goes
on in a matter of two weeks.
Recently, my 17 year old daughter has finally
discovered the "ALL POWERFUL SECRET"...
(a secret even better than Oprah's...shhhhhh....)
that she knows EVERYTHING about ANYTHING
the rest of us can screw ourselves! It took awhile.
For a couple years we thought we might have
made it through unharmed but no such luck. And
it's good that I HAVE ALSO discovered that she has
discovered this secret because at least now we are all
on the same page! Her momentary lack of judgements
actually make sense now! And my moments of seeing
white spots while I am yelling threats are explainable....
maybe I really do NOT need to see a therapist after all!
In the mean time, our son (our youngest)
has hit puberty. His voice and the things
that happen to it would make Criss Angel's
freaky mind proud! It's genuinely unexplainable!
It's hilarious! And it's almost sick how
much we enjoy teasing him about it!
We call him Sarah! Of course he knows
that we do it all in fun and he is sweet
enough to laugh along with us! All the
clothes that used to be too tight for him
are falling off him which really is to his
benefit, as he fits right in to
the COOL crowd with his pants hanging
down around his ankles!
My husband's aunt died of a long hard
battle with cancer. It's wierd that even
though you THINK you are prepared
for a family member's death it still catches
you off guard. We will miss her and of
course my heart is very sad for my husband.
The funeral is next week.
We got a new puppy. Oh wait....
we got TWO NEW PUPPIES!
Now I've found the real reason that
I haven't blogged for awhile. Black lab
brothers, Jake and Charlie. Very cute.
Very cuddly. Very AWAKE in the middle
of the night. And since it was MY idea I
have no room for complaint. I have spent
HOURS on-line researching all the GOOD
things to do for our new puppies including
what food to feed them. I came to the
conclusion that my husband may have to
get a weekend job so we can afford the
"perfect" food for them which includes
(but is certainly not limited to)
vitamins, minerals, fruits, vegetables, no
by-products, limited grains, low fats,
high protein, etc. I am to throw in freshly
ground food too and an occasional fried egg......
think I am obsessed?
It's the lack of sleep.
When I am sitting in my lawn chair
at one in the morning while they are
peeing all over the yard, freshly ground
fruits and vegetables are NOT what
I am thinking about, let me tell ya. And
when I am sitting in my lawn chair at THREE
in the morning while they are pooping all over
the yard, I am wondering what I can put
in their wee bellies that would end it ALL by morning!
Just kidding!
To be honest with you what I am REALLY
thinking is that the next time my daughter throws one
of her gargantuan hormonal tizzy fits.....there will be
LOTS and LOTS of poop to clean up!
Yes....lots can go on in a couple weeks.....
but at least that means that we are alive and well.
And tomorrow will be just another day!
Friday, June 13, 2008
G Spot, blog spot, it's all relative!
Ha! I caught you looking! Someone mentions G-spot and there's all sorts of attention.
Now that I have re-entered the blogging world, my mind is in constant motion.
To write or not write, that is the question.
I go through moods....
good mood
bad mood
creative mood
wanna go awol from my life mood
artistic mood
starve myself mood
eat everything mood
I love my mom mood
I can't stand my mom mood
I love to cook mood
I hate to cook mood
promise to be normal mood
promise to floss once a day mood
you get the picture
Right now it's the
I
NEED
to
write
mood
I go through this every few months. So even though I may not be sitting at the computer or have my journal in my hand, I am constantly writing. Even in my sleep. I have to take an extra "sleepytime" pill just to shut my brain off so I can rest. And now everything is subject to my "writer's approval":
my coffee shop lady (why I love her and hate her at the same time)
my obvious addiction to caffeine
my compulsions
my kids
my husband
my mother
my job
my irregular bowel movements
my dry cracked heels.....
no matter what, it's all research and better yet, its blog-worthy each in its own way! I just need to decide what sort of material I am going to be remembered for. I would hate to go down in history known as that person who has the most dry, disgusting, distracting, fungus-looking feet. HEY...it's NOT fungus thank you very much.
Oh yeah and then there's my IBMs.
I won't even go there.
I don't really have a "real" job except
I am one of those opinionated people that
think that raising normal, healthy children is a
"real" job.
My mother has at least 24 personalities.
Just kidding she only has
three.
Maybe some posts don't really have to have a main focus....maybe it's just all about getting something down on paper and getting it OUT of my head. Oh wait, what about my coffee shop lady and all the reasons I love her and hate her at the same time? I think I will save that one for it's own post:
"The ins and outs of the latte stand"
Yeah, that sounds good. But I think I need to sleep on it first.
Oh, hey. I forgot about the G-spot thing. Some artists and writers compare their work to good sex. Writing a perfect, flowing piece is as good as finding that G-spot that we all know and love. Or if you are an artist, every perfectly placed brush stroke is like making love to your canvas (so I've heard).
But, I am NOT an author and I am certainly not an artist.... so no matter what,in my book
the REAL G-spot wins!
I will DEFINITELY have to sleep on that one for sure!
HEY it's research!
Now that I have re-entered the blogging world, my mind is in constant motion.
To write or not write, that is the question.
I go through moods....
good mood
bad mood
creative mood
wanna go awol from my life mood
artistic mood
starve myself mood
eat everything mood
I love my mom mood
I can't stand my mom mood
I love to cook mood
I hate to cook mood
promise to be normal mood
promise to floss once a day mood
you get the picture
Right now it's the
I
NEED
to
write
mood
I go through this every few months. So even though I may not be sitting at the computer or have my journal in my hand, I am constantly writing. Even in my sleep. I have to take an extra "sleepytime" pill just to shut my brain off so I can rest. And now everything is subject to my "writer's approval":
my coffee shop lady (why I love her and hate her at the same time)
my obvious addiction to caffeine
my compulsions
my kids
my husband
my mother
my job
my irregular bowel movements
my dry cracked heels.....
no matter what, it's all research and better yet, its blog-worthy each in its own way! I just need to decide what sort of material I am going to be remembered for. I would hate to go down in history known as that person who has the most dry, disgusting, distracting, fungus-looking feet. HEY...it's NOT fungus thank you very much.
Oh yeah and then there's my IBMs.
I won't even go there.
I don't really have a "real" job except
I am one of those opinionated people that
think that raising normal, healthy children is a
"real" job.
My mother has at least 24 personalities.
Just kidding she only has
three.
Maybe some posts don't really have to have a main focus....maybe it's just all about getting something down on paper and getting it OUT of my head. Oh wait, what about my coffee shop lady and all the reasons I love her and hate her at the same time? I think I will save that one for it's own post:
"The ins and outs of the latte stand"
Yeah, that sounds good. But I think I need to sleep on it first.
Oh, hey. I forgot about the G-spot thing. Some artists and writers compare their work to good sex. Writing a perfect, flowing piece is as good as finding that G-spot that we all know and love. Or if you are an artist, every perfectly placed brush stroke is like making love to your canvas (so I've heard).
But, I am NOT an author and I am certainly not an artist.... so no matter what,in my book
the REAL G-spot wins!
I will DEFINITELY have to sleep on that one for sure!
HEY it's research!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
MY SPACE OR YOURS
Ok, so the book I am reading is full of daily writing prompts for people who love to write and want to work on their skills. When I get a chance, I am going to start a new blog page strictly for
that and keep THIS one for my true blogging. Anyhoo, the book suggested starting a MySpace
or a blog to help wanna-be authors get their thoughts down consistently and then maybe get some constructive criticism and friendly feed back. Cool. Sounds good. Let's do it.
um....ok
here I go
yup, this is really going to be GREAT!
so lets go with....
holy CRAP this is hard
Do I plunge into the
mystical
musical
bright lights
big boobs
small clothes
adolescent energy filled
testosterone ridden
adrenaline pumping
polka dot saturated
world of
MySpace
because somehow that does not seem like MY space. It's strictly for and about other people isn't it? I don't really know. All I have ever heard about it is that it's all about networking, making friends, finding lovers, and adding anybody to your "friends" list that might NOT fall under the general catogories
child molester
child stalker
stalker in general
loner
creepy loner
VERY creepy loner
wierd guy who lives down the street
crazy person looking to add as many friends as possible
married man looking for something different
married woman looking for anyone who will listen
that and keep THIS one for my true blogging. Anyhoo, the book suggested starting a MySpace
or a blog to help wanna-be authors get their thoughts down consistently and then maybe get some constructive criticism and friendly feed back. Cool. Sounds good. Let's do it.
um....ok
here I go
yup, this is really going to be GREAT!
so lets go with....
holy CRAP this is hard
Do I plunge into the
mystical
musical
bright lights
big boobs
small clothes
adolescent energy filled
testosterone ridden
adrenaline pumping
polka dot saturated
world of
MySpace
because somehow that does not seem like MY space. It's strictly for and about other people isn't it? I don't really know. All I have ever heard about it is that it's all about networking, making friends, finding lovers, and adding anybody to your "friends" list that might NOT fall under the general catogories
child molester
child stalker
stalker in general
loner
creepy loner
VERY creepy loner
wierd guy who lives down the street
crazy person looking to add as many friends as possible
married man looking for something different
married woman looking for anyone who will listen
That's really all I have ever heard about MySpace. And then there's the problem that my daughter, one of my sisters and lots of my friends have their own space on MySpace.... and I run into the possibility that any or ALL of them might "find me out". My daughter (and all her friends) would read my writing and wonder WTF?
"OMG your BM iz waaay OTT and she is like a crazy person and you need to like GTF out of there like RIGHT NOW, OMG!"
I'm thinking that would not be good for our all around normal family life!
THEN...
I wondered how difficult it would be to find the old blog that I had a couple years ago. It seemed way less drama and more personal. Definitely more private. And I have this weird idea that I would rather "connect" with people instead of "network". Networking seems to indicate an uncomfortable social atmosphere which I try to avoid whenever possible!
I am sure there are a lot of bloggers who also have MySpace and I am sure they love it. But its not for me. I need a spot to feel comfortable as I am spewing all over whether it be
good
bad
raw and uncensored
unabashed
personal
and lacking polka dots!
OMG M LMAO
ciao!
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