911---- MY SON IS MISSING!

For real. The young, innocent brown-eyed boy i used to know

is gone, gone forever. Before you continue reading this

please take the time to go into my blog, "The

Musings of Mary Jane" and read the post called

"To the Moon and Back".



I'm serious....stop reading this and go find it, I'll wait.



OK..... THAT little boy is GONE!


The mean, mean thing called puberty came and

entered his mind, took over and is now dwelling

in his wee head. (Yes, I meant to say WEEEEEE

head!) He's plumb nuts!



It seems like I have waited his whole life for

the big event called PUBERTY! It's a lot like

waiting for your daughter to have her first

period; it's a step towards adulthood, minor

as it is. I told my daughter her whole life

that the day she started her period I would

take the day off (whether I was still in school

or had a job) and we would have a "girl-day"

doing fun stuff to celebrate. And we had a

really fun, really memorable day. I am glad

that I got to share that with her.



But how do you celebrate puberty?
I am the oldest of three girls...
so I don't know HOW to go about
bringing in THAT part of his life!
Do I send balloons? Do I ignore it?
As a mother am I even supposed
to participate? I don't know!

What I do know is that I love him more
than life itself and even though I miss the
little boy, I am proud to be the mother
of a young man. We tease him
endlessly about his cracking voice
but he loves the attention and his
brown eyes are as clear and happy
as they've always been. He is now
taller than me and in some ways I
miss my "baby" but it's fun to fit
into his growng arms and know that
no matter how tall he gets, or how
short I get when I am old....we
will still have a bond that runs deep...
and that no matter what,
I will be able to tell him that I love
him to the moon and back!

A TRUE MAN OF DOG----BLESS HIM FATHER FOR HE HAS SINNED

Yes, I meant to say a true man of DOG,
not man of GOD.

I have this friend, you see, that I would
actually consider a GOOD friend. He's my
age and we don't really have ONE thing in
common except lots of skeletons in the
closet. Different sorts of bones but skeletons
none the less.

Anyhoo.... he is a pastor. At some point
he lost his credentials because he divorced
but he worked hard at earning them back
and is now a fully accredited minister again.
But he really is a DOG!

I guess I was under the impression that
men of GOD would try their best to hide
their carnal lusts but him, not so much.
And I wouldn't even consider his obvious
public lip-licking even blog-worthy except
for the incident that follows.

Today he and I had a meeting (over coffee)
about a big community outreach that we
are putting on this Saturday at the church.
He and I are sort of the co-heads for the
event. We met to wrap up some loose ends.
Anyhoo....not ten minutes after we sat
down across from each other he leaned
away from the table making motions at
somebody like he was going to say hello
or something and I asked him if he saw
someone he knew. He responded with
something like, "No...there's a hot chick
over there in white pants and a dark
shirt! I'm just trying to get a better look
at her face...."

I was a little taken back by his honesty
and DETAILED description. And not TWO
minutes before all this he was telling me
about the great sermon he'd given just a
few nights ago! Isn't this the epitome of
an oxymoron????

And this went on for the ENTIRE hour
that we met. Oh we talked business and
hammered out our loose ends but his
mind was NOT with the church, let me
tell ya. It was rolling around in bed with
the hot chick in white pants.

I still don't know what to make of the
situation. It was all very weird and
unappropriate if you ask me. And then
the REAL question is, is whether he is a
TRUE man of GOD or a TRUE (and typical)
DOG of a man! Today, I would say he
barked his way to the dog house.

OVEREASY

So this last weekend I was at my inlaws' house and we
happened to be finishing breakfast one morning.
Almost everyone had left the table except my
mother-in-law, my brother-in-law and I. We
were drinking coffee, finishing our food and enjoying
idle chitchat when the topic came up about waking
up hungry for breakfast each morning. I, very
calmly and nonchalantly said, "I almost NEVER eat
breakfast. I usually just drink coffee and then eat
lunch."

Then my brother-in-law says to me across the table,
"See, THAT is your problem. It's not healthy to not eat
breakfast." And he goes on to explain to me (because
I had NEVER heard it before) that eating breakfast
jump starts your metabolism yada, yada, yada,
yada.............

But he sort of lost me at, "SEE, THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM..."

I was thinking to myself WHAT PROBLEM?

Obviously he was talking about the extra thirty pounds
that I pack around but WHAT THE HELL? I was
wondering exactly whose problem he thought he was
fixing? And who actually asked him to SOLVE my
problem(s)? Did he think that if I started eating
breakfast every day that I would magically appear
looking "right"?

I was so ticked off. For one thing he tends to come
across as a pompous know-it-all and he's said things
many times that have been so rude or crude and he
doesn't know it. And through the years its been
obvious that he "looks down" on people who are
overweight by some of the condescending
comments he's made. But I was seriously taken
back by his comment to me over the breakfast table.
I said to him, "Yeah, I know all about that and I still
don't eat breakfast unless it's a special occasion."
I wish I'd had the balls to ask him what "problem"
he was actually talking about and playing dumb.
It would have been interesting to see his reaction.
But I am not quick to think about witty comebacks.

What I AM GOOD at, though, is feeling like shit all the
time about the way I look and how it affects
my daily activities. I spent the rest of the weekend
feeling depressed and struggled with my on-going
battle about whether or not to crawl into that dark,
desolate space in my head and hide there for a while.

I wonder if they serve breakfast there?

SUPERHEROES

So I think I should have waited for a few more days before
I ran down the list of everything that's gone on in the last
couple weeks in my previous post.

My husband had a physical a week ago and his blood
work came back; he has high cholesterol. So instead
of researching the best food to feed the puppies I have
been researching the best things to feed my hubby.
Between the pups and Him, it sounds like I am going
to be spending lots of time in the kitchen. Which really
sucks because I hate to cook.

On the same day we found out that one of my
grandfathers has testicular cancer. Totally bites. I
always feel like I am still 21 but unfortunately I am
not. I keep getting older. My kids keep getting older.
My parents keep getting older.
My grandparents keep getting older.

I have only experienced two semi-major deaths
in my family which means that the rest of us are
all alive and well. Both sets of my grandparents
are in their late 70s to early 80s, so I have been
blessed. In fact my daughter was a fifth
generation child on one side so we were able to
pose for pictures with the young and old before
it was too late.

I know that cancer is not necessarily a death
sentence but it is SCARY no matter how you
look at it. I saw my grandpa last night and even
though he comes across as stoic and calm, you
can see that he's freaked out. It's very sad.

Anyway, I know that I definitely take life for
granted most of the time and I try NOT to.
I've always thought my husband was
invincible and that my grandpa was going
to live forever but in my mind I know thats
not true. My heart is telling me differently.